My Life on "Dance Show".

Tonight was the season finale of "So You Think You Can Dance" season 4, which I must confess is a guilty pleasure. I look forward to it each week as if it was an episode of Lost or Heroes.

I've even got Longlegs into it - altho' he would be happy to watch anything with me, I suspect - so long as it stalls his bedtime. We sat on the couch and celebrated the season finale with popcorn (which I monitored very carefully, as it's not recommended to feed popcorn to children under 4) and chocolate milk. My parents and brother are out camping for awhile so the house is quiet most nights and I'm not forcing my questionable television choices on anyone else... except Longlegs.

And my boy is only too happy to munch popcorn and watch the "Dance Show" with me.

It's a almost a sad state of affairs but I've realized that talent-show-reality-shows are just about the best after supper/before bedtime family viewing now on the networks. No sex. No violence. Just dancing or singing... something toddlers to grandparents can come together and enjoy with each other.

It's been lovely watching it with Longlegs. Everytime something funny happens or the judges break up their incessant chatter with laughter - Longlegs laughs. (Why not? Everyone else is laughing so something must be funny, right?) Tonight instead of just smiling and enjoying the sweet sounds of my toddler's laughter I made myself chime in. I laughed too - just because he was laughing. He laughed harder and I belly laughed with him.

It felt really good. I can't believe how much my children are healing me. Sometimes I feel like it's not just a defence mechanism... I'm not just saying it to protect my heart. I am honestly believing that all I need - to be whole now - are my children. They are my white knights on their white horses. They've scooped me up from the brink. They've saved me.

There were lots of beautiful dances this season but as with the last season... one dance... one stands out and captures my heart. This season - I just couldn't help myself. "Bleeding Love" as danced by Chelsea and Mark. I cried. The first time I saw it. I wept when they performed it on the finale.

It's the story of a husband and a wife. The husband begins the dance by moving with his wife but quickly begins pulling away. He's bored. He's frustrated. The wife becomes frustrated, angry and then... completely broken. The end of the dance just kills me everytime I see Husband manipulate wife's body until he pulls her heart out of her chest - picks up his briefcase - and walks away. The look on her face is devastating... and she crumples into a ball. I cried. I'm still crying. And I'm still bleeding love.

This was my 2008 celebrated in dance. This was my dance.